I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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