That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
