He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
