you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize