You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
