the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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