Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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