Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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