Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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