Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
