A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
