Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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