I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
