we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
