I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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