She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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