i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize