Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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