I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize