Screwed.edu
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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