i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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