Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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