I think my fart just growled at me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
