never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
