I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
