Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
