Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
