i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
