Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
