No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize