I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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