apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
there is glitter all over my balls
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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