I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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