i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
