i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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