I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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