did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize