We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
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The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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