well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
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You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
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The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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