I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
