We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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