in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize