I think i peed on brittanys purse
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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