I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need a hoe opinion
go on
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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