if only i could text you this smell
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
