A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I know her cup size but not her name....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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