All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
