Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful