I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?