you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.