So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.