My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that