did you get engaged???
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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