I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
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I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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